


Small Indulgences

by inadistantworld



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Guilty Pleasures, Male Solo, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Other, implied pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 09:44:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inadistantworld/pseuds/inadistantworld
Summary: Caleb enjoys a shower





	Small Indulgences

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tweet about twenty minutes ago that said "the rarest rarepair in the fandom is caleb/shower" and I thought I would whip something up because I just want to publish something again and thought I'd give something small to arguably the best rarepair.  
> It's uhhhh real short, not very good, very quick, and I didn't even do my usual skim to make sure there's less major spelling errors or places where I didn't make notes to myself on different word choices or anything. Sorry it's not great, hope you like it anyways

Caleb hesitates. He’s standing there, magic and science brought together in this huge city in this gorgeous hotel to create something that Caleb likes better than any bathhouse he’s been to. Perhaps it’s that nobody else seems to care for it much and it leaves him completely alone during it. Perhaps it that he feels like he’s not indulging too much, he’s not stretched out in an ornate room with too many different scents and the sounds of people and food and drinks and flowers. He likes that he stands for it, that the water crashing over him is hot and feels like the heaviest rain he’s ever experienced rather than a leisurely soak. He tells himself he likes this more than a bath because it has less nonsense attached to it.

In truth it isn’t so complicated, he just likes it. Caleb just has a hard time allowing himself to enjoy things.

He has allowed himself this indulgence though. Coming here just after dinner a couple times a week and standing under the almost too hot water with a small amount of soap and a letting the water wash over him. He always found rain to be cleansing, like starting over. Putting out fires. He winces at that thought and almost lets himself go into the rabbit hole, the self-hate and guilt, and he almost turns the water off and leaves because he shouldn’t allow himself this brief pleasure.

He doesn’t though. He never does. He will feel bad about it later, berate himself a little for going on, and in a few days he’ll do it again. But under the hot water those thoughts drift away and he takes another deep breath and feels clean.

He doesn’t have to be anyone here. In a bathhouse it’s different. He feels this nice at first but eventually he has too much time to think, it’s all too still and either too quiet or too busy with other people. Here though he can’t pull out his books and work on them, there’s nobody else to talk around him but there’s the sound of what he can only seem to describe as a heavy storm all around him. He’s allowed to just be a body in this place, he doesn’t have to be Caleb Widogast, he doesn’t have to be a monster, he doesn’t have to be anyone or anything at all.

He feels empty here. And it’s good enough for him to crave it but not good enough for him to hate himself for it.

Tonight’s shower ends as they all do. With Caleb dropping his forehead against the wall and water hitting his back and rolling off him. Steam fills the air around him and for a moment he imagines it pulling around him like a fog, blocking him off from the rest of the world. His left hand goes up to press at the space beside his head and his other runs down his chest, slow and methodical, like he’s feeling for changes in himself.

He pauses occasionally, finding the places of himself that jump at his touch, that send sparks straight to his quickly hardening member, that make him drift a little farther away from Caleb Widogast and into just being.

It’s impulsive. Afterwards he’ll be angry at himself for it, not for taking care of his desire. Caleb is not ashamed of jacking off, he hates that here it’s not taking care of something it’s indulging, and more importantly it’s forgetting who he is. It’s dangerous, he thinks, to stop thinking of himself as a monster.

At the moment though it is far from his mind. The only thing he can think of is that the more he teases himself the harder he gets and it’s not long before he wraps his hand around himself and with quick, practiced movements he strokes himself until he spends against the wall of the shower with a soft groan.

He stays there for a few moments longer, panting and letting the water go on as if nothing happened. And then he straightens up and washes himself and the wall and leaves it looking just like he found it and himself looking a little bit cleaner and a tad bit guiltier.

He knows he’ll be back in a few days, but for now he frowns and gathers his things and goes back to his room to remind himself of the truth. He doesn’t deserve good things. He doesn’t deserve to feel like anything less than what he is. He doesn’t deserve a hot shower and a moment of indulgence.

And as he leaves to head back to his room he spots a blue tiefling skipping down the hall towards him with her hands behind her back and a broad smile on her face. “Cay-leb,” she says in a singsong voice that makes his chest feel painfully tight, “did you just come from the shower?” She stops in front of him and looks him over. His hair is still wet and his skin probably a touch red from the water that he leaves a little too hot to be good for him. She leans in close and breathes in, then pulls back and he’s sure her smile has only grown, “You smell much better now! You should do that more often!”

“Ah—ja—perhaps I will,” he manages to say, because he can’t say no to her and he doesn’t want to.

And after they bid each other goodnight and Caleb finds himself back to his room he knows that he will find himself back there sooner rather than later, if for no other reason than because Jester asked him to.


End file.
